A different way of telling the truth

He's not lying, his perception of reality is distorted.

When in doubt...

When in doubt, mumble.
- His dad's advice to Rick Schaut

A side effect of the ostrich strategy

Sticking your head in the sand invites a kick up the arse.

A legislator's quandary

Speed is easy to measure, good driving isn't.

Laptops and their owners

After a while a laptop starts to look like its owner.

Yesterday's weather

Tomorrow's weather will be the same as today's weather 70% of the time. This translates wonderfully to projects: if your project is in the shit today, it's unlikely that everything will be hunky-dory tomorrow.

Cause and effect

An organisation does not get what it wants; it only gets what it rewards.

(Free after a Belgian professor)

Questions & Answers

There's no such thing as a stupid question. However, there's a ready supply of stupid answers.

Incompetence

"When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do."

Courtesy of ThinkGeek.com

Risk-logs and Issue-logs

A Hurray-log contributes more to a project's success than a Risk-log or an Issue-log.

An illusion of safety

The middle of the road is a dangerous place: you can get hit by traffic from both directions.

Projects are like driving... or are they?

If you think you're in control, you're not driving fast enough.
- Mario Andretti

Seagull management

"The seagull manager flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything then flies off again leaving a big mess behind."

This one made it into the Urban Dictionary.

About hierarchies

Shit never sinks.

Change management

Change managers manage many things, but change isn't one of those.

Perfectionism

Good enough is good enough. Perfect is a pain in the arse, and often not worth the trouble anyway.

More manual labout

Sorry, this one's in Dutch:
"wie een kuil graaft voor een ander zweet zich te pletter".

Timing

The early bird gets the worm. I'd rather sleep in and get a hamburger.

Technique

Everything boils down to technique.

Manual labour

When you're in a hole, stop digging.

Planning

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

About cooperation

If you can't join them, beat them.

Sales

There's a difference between account management and discount management.

Wisdom

People who know everything better are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

Good advice

Never argue with idiots - first they drag you down to their level, then they beat you with experience.

Consultancy 101

If you can't blind them with science, you can bury them in bullshit.

Project manager's motto

Do not postpone until tomorrow that which you can tell someone else to do today.

Welcom to the age of marketing

Perception is reality.

Double Dutch

Dubbel genaaid houdt beter.

Abstraction levels

The most complex things are quite simple.

Whaddayamean, IT-projects?

There's no such thing as an IT-project.

Tools (pun intended)

A fool with a tool is still a fool.

Quite a few blogs mention this one, e.g. this one.

Always look on the bright side

Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Read all about it.

Succes

Some people were born failures, some acquired failure, and some had failure thrust upon them.

Kicking off

Kickoffs are superfluous.